Surrender
I love the concept of surrender. It reminds me of being a little kid and lying on the warm wet sidewalk when it was raining and just feeling the raindrops. I didn’t know where the next one was coming or what temperature, I just let it happen.
I have a much harder time letting things happen, especially now, as I’m about to launch my private practice. I want to fix it, and arrange it just so and ensure that everything will work out perfectly. This is not uncommon in our humanity, when we feel stress, our ability to just let go lessens and lessens. We feel the impulse to control, to alleviate the ultimate fear of not being safe. It’s much easier to understand people with controlling behaviors as people who don’t feel safe in the world and are trying desperately, relentlessly hard to create that sense of safety.
We cannot be perfectly safe. We can never be fully sure. So what do we do with this jittering fear? One of my favorite ways to cope is to use the loving-kindness meditation that seems to encompass this surrender idea so beautifully. Read more about it here, but here’s the script for the guided meditation I love:
Become aware of the movement of your breath as it comes into your body and as it leaves your body. Not manipulating the breath in any way or trying to change it. Simply being aware of it and of the feelings associated with breathing. And observing the breath deep down in your belly. Feeling the abdomen as it expands gently on the inbreath, and as it falls back towards your spine on the outbreath. Being totally here in each moment with each breath. Not trying to do anything, not trying to get any place, simply being with your breath. Giving full care and attention to each inbreath and to each outbreath. As they follow one after the other in a never ending cycle and flow. If distracting thoughts arise, acknowledge them, then return to the practice.
And now bringing to mind someone for whom you have deep feelings of love. Seeing or sensing this person and noticing your feelings for them arise in your body. It may be simply a smile that spreads across your face, or your chest becomes warm. Whatever the effects, allow them to be felt.
Now letting go of this person in your imagination, and keeping in awareness the feelings that have arisen.
Bring yourself to mind now. And seeing if you can offer loving kindness to yourself, by letting these words become your words…
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I ride the waves of my life
May I live in peace
No matter what I am given
And noticing the feelings that arise and letting them be, as you look within yourself with mindfulness and equanimity.
When you are comfortable, try offering loving kindness to someone who supports you, who has always “been on your side.” Bringing this person to mind, imagining them perhaps across from you, and letting these words become your words…
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you ride the waves of your life
May you live in peace
No matter what you are given
Once your feelings flow easily to a loved one, turn your attention now to someone with whom you have difficulty – it’s best not to start with the most difficult person, but perhaps someone who brings up feelings or irritation or annoyance. And seeing if you can let these words become your words as you keep this person in awareness…
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you ride the waves of your life
May you live in peace
No matter what you are given
Notice the sensations and feelings that arise within you. And seeing if you can just allow them and let them be.
And now bringing to mind the broader community of which you are a part. You might imagine your family, your workmates, your neighbors, or fan out your attention until you include all persons and creatures on the planet. And including yourself in this offering of loving kindness, as you let these words become your words…
May we be happy
May we be healthy
May we ride the waves of our lives
May we live in peace
No matter what we are given
May we all learn how to surf and surrender more.
