Name it and tame it!

One of the things that is obviously important in therapy is making the sometimes abstract and vague ideas or experiences take more shape and be more graspable. Sometimes I do this with analogies, and many of my clients have commented on my spectrum of horrible to incredible analogies. Finding language to understand and communicate things clearly changes our experience of those things. Dr. Daniel Siegel talks about this in his hand model of the brain - and says when we can name something, we also can more easily tame it.

This is just as true when it comes to handling difficult situations. When we find a phrase, a go-to-back-pocket phrase, it makes handling frustration and fear much easier. For example, if you find that someone is relentlessly passive aggressive, addressing it with a direct “what is your intent with that statement?” can curtail those behaviors. If you’re running into a situation where people are offering endless advice, saying something like “Thank you for your concern, I’m not taking feedback right now” can communicate your stance effectively.

If you find yourself constantly trying to defend yourself in a situation, a phrase like “I’m not comfortable continuing this conversation” can change your position. My personal favorite when I feel pressured is to simply say “I will get back to you on that”. It feels like it gives me space to breathe, calm down and evaluate what I really want to do instead of just reacting.

None of these phrases are groundbreaking, but when our emotions trump our logic, it’s good to have a go to. This leaves us feeling like we don’t have to betray ourselves, even when big emotions are happening within us.